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Marie Phillips

Author of the novel Gods Behaving Badly, soon to be a film starring Christopher Walken and Sharon Stone. Writer, with Robert Hudson, of BBC Radio 4 series Warhorses of Letters, starring Stephen Fry and Daniel Rigby. Co-host of the Firestation Book Swap in Windsor. Writer in residence at Ackland Burghley school, London.

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Strictlywatch 2011: EPIC SPOILER

If you like your Strictly unspoiled and box fresh, stop reading this post and, whatever you do, do not click on this link.

Still with me? Did you click? Hang on, I’m going to attempt a page break so as to protect the unspoilered.

There. Did that work?

[UPDATE: apparently not. Sorry.]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

(At this point, you need to go back to that image and scroll down, if you haven’t already.)

The props! The props! So many I can’t even detail them all. But -

Nancy and Anton: gauze! coffin! tombstone! mask of Craig! MASK OF CRAIG! THERE’S GOING TO BE AN UNDEAD CRAIG JOKE!

Harry and Aliona: masks and thrones! THRONES!

Jason and Kristina: magic wand, glitter, tree stump, witches hat, pumpkin and broom sticks! Because if you can’t overkill on Halloween, when can you overkill? And as a side note: “WHAT IS JASON?” What is he indeed?

Audley and Natalie: Venus flytrap! WTeffingF!? Please let it be gigantic and have one or both of them get eaten by it. (Seriously though - is this going to be a Little Shop of Horrors themed dance? If so, I approve.)

Lulu and Brendan: “Including Flying”. THERE ARE NO WORDS.

And finally, the minimalist: Alex and James: SLAB.

This is going to be the best / worst / bworst / west episode of Strictly Come Dancing EVER. *demonic laugh from the end of Thriller* hahahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I cannot WAIT.